livefromcoshocton: January 2008

Funny Email!

I got an email from a friend recently who says she read my blog. She pointed out that I turned out to be a "pretty good dad." It's nice to know I can still receive a great backhanded compliment! Just kidding!

But attached to that email was a great forward from George Carlin. I will warn you it is not as family friendly as most of the stuff on this blog. But is sure did make me laugh!

GEORGE CARLIN'S RULES FOR 2008

Rule 1: No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for weddings. Now it's for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking out the stuff "you" want and having other people buy it for you isn't gift giving, it's the white people version of looting.

Rule 2: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for classmates.com! There's a reason you don't talk to people for 25 years. Because you don't particularly like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days --- mowing my lawn.

Rule 3: Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window unless you're a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy's chili. Hey, it cost less than a dollar. What did you expect it to contain? Lobster?

Rule 4: Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot, blonde teachers are permanently damaged . I have a better description for these kids: 'Lucky bastards.'

Rule 5: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: Do you have two of them? Good, we're done.

Rule 6:There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle of this crap at the supermarket, water, but, without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. That's your flavored water.

Rule 7: Stop screwing with old people. Target is introducing a redesigned pill bottle that's square, with a bigger label. And the top is now the bottom. And by the time grandpa figures out how to open it, his ass will be in the morgue. Congratulations, Target, you just solved the Social Security crisis.

Rule 8: The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a 'decaf grandee, half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low, and One NutraSweet,' ooooh, you're a HUGE asshole.

Rule 9: I'm not the cashier! By the time I look up from sliding my card, entering My PIN number, pressing 'Enter,' verifying the amount, deciding, no, I don't want Cash back, and pressing 'Enter' again, the kid who is supposed to be ringing me up is standing there eating my Almond Joy.

Rule 10: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you Spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass. And it translates to 'beef with broccoli.' The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You're just high.

Rule 11: Competitive eating isn't a sport. It's one of the seven deadly sins. ESPN Recently televised the U.S. Open of Competitive Eating, because watching those athletes at the poker table was just too damned exciting. What's next, competitive farting? Oh wait, they're already doing that. It's
called 'The Howard Stern Show.'

Rule 12: I don't need a bigger mega M&Ms. If I'm extra hungry for M&Ms, I'll go nuts and eat two.

Rule 13: If you're going to insist on making movies based on crappy old television shows, then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex a remote so we can see what's playing on the other screens. Let's remember the reason something was a television show in the first place is that the idea wasn't good enough to be a movie.

Rule 14: When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to hear '27 months.' 'He's two' will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.

Rule 15: If you ever hope to be a credible adult and want a job that pays better than Minimum wage, then for God's sake don't pierce or tattoo every available piece of flesh. If so, then plan your future around saying, 'Do you want fries with that?'

More Magic From Coco Key

So we found the cable to the camera and I wanted to update some new pics from Coco Key! These are from Amy's camera...and the batteries dies a lot...so very few pics to share. But the ones that we have are good! Here's a shot of the girls and I when we just got there on Saturday.

As you would imagine...the girls had fun on the slides!

And the water park is great for the girls when there are friends to share it with.

And it was fun for us adults to have friends there too. Bill played Mr. Mom as his lovely wife was home sick. Hope you are feeling better Rox!

But don't worry...we adults had fun on the water rides too. Here's Betsy and I on the water slide with a tube!

Cub Scouts Visit HMC

Last night a group of cub scouts visited Hasseman Marketing.

The gang was very excited because afterward they got to go bowling! I talked to to them quickly (it's a short attention span at that age!) about what we do. And then a few of them asked me questions (do you do Man vs. Wild?).

It was a nice visit from a cool little group.

A Trip To Coco Key

Recently Amy asked the girls which of the three "vacations" we took last year was their favorite. If you read this regularly, you might remember we went to the beach in the spring and went to Disney in the fall. And early last year we took them to Coco Key in Newark. Both girls said that Coco Key was their favorite trip.

As a parent my response was "AHHHHH! I could have saved thousands!" But who knew? At any rate, this year we decided to take the girls back. This time we invited a group of friends to join us...and it was again a great time.

The facility itself is very nice and water slides, and pools, and a lazy river. The pictures in this post are all courtesy of Valerie Miller...so thanks Val! This shot of Jade and Grace is a good one.

And of course Skylar never has a problem cheesing it up for the camera.

Then it was time to hit the arcade!

And Amy and I even had two minutes in the hot tub. This was pretty nifty as the hot tub was inside and went outside where snow lay on the ground. It was nice of Valerie to catch me trying to get my game on! It didn't work.

And what trip would be complete if I didn't try to do some sort of goofy physical challenge?

A great trip...and there will be more pictures to come!

Catching and Missing Old Friends

I was excited on Monday because I was going to have lunch with some great old friends from my Longaberger days. This group truly restored my belief in the Longaberger company, made me enjoy work again, and taught me a great deal. The group was Bill (blogmaster) Weaver, Nancy (with a great laugh) Cameron), Anita (my best boss ever) Rector, and Salle (I like lumberjacks) Beckwith. Salle was coming back to Ohio from Wisconsin and it was a great time for a reunion.

Well long story short, we had some miscommunication and I ended up at the restaurant late. The waitress then told me they were not there. And I began to drive all over Newark calling them, and looking for them.

Finally they tracked me down! Unfortunately I missed Nancy and Anita (sorry!) but I did catach up with Salle and Bill. Please make note that these shots are credited to Bill Weaver...thanks Bill!

It was great to see them both. And as always, we laughed a lot! I even had a chance to teach Salle how to use her phone! (Well really I only had to undue what her 1 year old son had done, but whatever!)

An emotional night

If you read any book that truly examines helping you become a better or effective person (i.e. Seven Habits of Highly Effective People) they often tell you to picture your own funeral. What do you want people to say about you? How do you want to be remembered? Then, they say, set out to live your life to mirror that vision.

The problem of course is that you are dead. You don't get to enjoy that day when everyone says those nice things about you.

But last night I attended my uncle Steve Hasseman's retirement party...and it was the best of both worlds. Everyone got up and waxed eloquent about the virtues of Steve...and he was alive to enjoy it!

It was interesting because Steve Hasseman was a police officer. In fact at one point he was the Agent in Charge of Liquor Control in the State of Ohio. He is a tough guy...as are his peers. So it was interesting to see extremely tough guys with guns crying and bearing their emotional souls. In a way, I don't think I should have been there. And in a way, it was pretty cool too.

At any rate, it was an emotional night. And though one part of me would love to be in the room when folks talk about me in retrospect, I think I will pass on the retirement party. It was too emotionally draining! Everyone will just have to wait for the funeral!

Congratulations Steve. You have earned it!

Exciting Project...BuyCoshocton!

I thought this might be a great place to announce a new project we have been working on at Hasseman Marketing & Communications. An idea that came out of the Arts and Culture Alliance group is about to come to fruition.

We have created an online shopping mall specifically for Coshocton businesses and artists. This new site called BuyCoshocton will allow businesses to not only market their items online...but sell them.

And we are about to do our public launch! But I thought you might be so kind as to check it out in advance of that! We would love some feedback. So check out www.buycoshocton.com and let us know what you think!

Simply email me if you would like at kirby@hassemanmarketing.com! Thanks in advance!

A Nice Email

I am not a fan of mushy forwards on email...but got one this morning that I liked. So instead of forwarding, I thought I would share it here!

The Wooden Bowl

A frail old man went to live with his son, daughter-in-law, and four-year - old grandson. The old man's hands trembled, his eyesight was blurred, and his step faltered. The family ate together at the table. But the elderly grandfather's shaky hands and failing sight made eating difficult. Peas rolled off his spoon onto the floor. When he grasped the glass, milk spilled on the tablecloth.

The son and daughter-in-law became irritated with the mess.
"We must do something about father," said the son. "I've had enough of his spilled milk, noisy eating, and food on the floor."

So the husband and wife set a small table in the corner. There, Grandfather ate alone while the rest of the family enjoyed dinner. Since Grandfather had broken a dish or two, his food was served in a wooden bowl.

When the family glanced in Grandfather's direction, sometimes he had a tear in his eye as he sat alone. Still, the only words the couple had for him were sharp admonitions when he dropped a fork or spilled food.

The four-year-old watched it all in silence.
One evening before supper, the father noticed his son playing with wood scraps on the floor. He asked the child sweetly, "What are you making?" Just as sweetly, the boy responded, "Oh, I am making a little bowl for you and Mama to eat your food in when I grow up.
" The four-year-old smiled and went back to work.

The words so struck the parents so that they were speechless. Then tears started to stream down their cheeks. Though no word was spoken, both knew what must be done.

That evening the husband took Grandfather's hand and gently led him back to the family table. For the remainder of his days he ate every meal with the family. And for some reason, neither husband nor wife seemed to care any longer when a fork was dropped, milk spilled, or the tablecloth soiled.

On a positive note, I've learned that, no matter what happens, how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow.

I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles four things: a rainy day, the elderly, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.

I've learned that, regardless of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your life.

I've learned that making a "living" is not the same thing as making a "life.."

I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance.

I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands. You need to be able to throw something back I've learned that if you pursue happiness, it will elude you But, if you focus on your family, your friends, the needs of others, your work and doing the very best you can, happiness will find you

I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision.

I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one.

I've learned that every day, you should reach out and touch someone.

People love that human touch -- holding hands, a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back.

I've learned that I still have a lot to learn.

Billy's 40th Birthday Party

So it's impossible to top Betsy's 40th party (since we actually brought her in a hearse!) but we have a great time last night when we threw a surprise 40th Birthday Party for Bill Potter. We felt our best element of surprise was the fact that it was AFTER his actual birthday.

But we did surprise him by meeting him at his favorite Friday night watering hole...the SportsZone. There were over 20 of us waiting to yell Happy Birthday as he walked through the door.

The gifts were plentiful and very funny. But we can't share most of them on this blog (it's a family show!). But one of the things he got was a new "friend." Bill seemed to have fun meeting "it."

The band Half Moon was playing (they are great) and it was an added bonus to have them entertain us. And Bill decided to take his new buddy on the dance floor.

Then, as if the night couldn't get better...the band let Bill join them up on stage to sing! Actually Billy did a really fantastic job of singing. I was impressed!

At the end of the day it was a really fun time for a Friday night. There was no hearse and no coffin...but at this party...that is probably a good thing!

A Great Day For Coshocton County!

Today was a big day in the history of Coshocton County! The ribbon cutting ceremony of the Coshocton Campus took place today as the college unveiled Montgomery Hall. Of course Inside Coshocton cameras were there and this event will be featured on the upcoming show.

After the ceremony, the group of over 250 people toured the new facility. It is fantastic! Everything was beautiful and state of the art. It is a true higher education, learning center for Coshocton County. Everyone wandered the halls (and the stairwells to check it out!

It's a great day for the community...and a great step toward the future of Coshocton County. And it is worth thanking the many community members that made this happen. One of whom (and it was rightfully mentioned MANY times at the ceremony today) was Robby Robinson. Robby was one of the true champions of getting this college here. Thanks to you Robby! You deserve that seat in the front row!

Stay tuned for the next Inside Coshocton for details of the event!

Latest Inside Coshocton

It's been a while since I have had the opportunity to post at all. And it's been a while since I have posted the show. So here you go!

Some Great Snow Shots

Most of those who know me realize that I prefer summer to winter...any time! But my wife took some really great snow shots the other day so I thought I would share!