More Stores on BuyCoshocton!

If you have not been to www.buycoshocton.com for a while, then check it out again. We have a couple of new stores and new items to check out!

We have a couple of items from Hopewell Industries, a new Woodworking store, and even a famous local author! Check out Shanda's book!

Lack of Posts

Sorry about my tardiness for posts lately. I will do better! But I got this yesterday and thought it might make you smile. Thanks to Belinda!

The next time someone asks you a dumb question wouldn't you like to respond like this...

Yesterday, I was buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for Athena the wonder dog at Wal-Mart and was about to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had, an elephant? So since I had little else to do, on impulse, I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, and that I was starting the Purina Diet again although, I probably shouldn't, because I'd ended up in the hospital last time.

On the bright side though, I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no; I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's butt and a car hit us both.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack, he was laughing so hard! WAL-MART won't let me shop there anymore.

Neat update on an event...

I got this email from my father last night...and thought I would share. We have posted about these two events on this blog. As a matter of fact, the first year this event was held was my very first post on this blog!

As most of you know, Chris founded and is president of an organization to combat Parkinson’s Disease. Each of the last two falls – in very early October – we’ve had a walk to raise funds to contribute money to research and to support local county folks who have the disease. Last year, we raised over $20,000(!!!), $10,000 of which went to dedicate a room in the new local hospital wing to Parkinson’s Disease; this year, the total was about $14,000. Any of you who know anything about local fundraising will know these are fairly incredible amounts. Again, many of you know that Chris’ mom has PD…which is what started all this. Each year, we dedicate the walk to a local sufferer or two, and a plaque is displayed at the site; Chris’ mom and another Uhrichsville man were the recipients the first year, with two others from the county in the year just past.



Part of our success the first year was our coordination of our event with the groundbreaking of the new hospital wing (“We ‘dig’ walking for a cure…”)…which is big news in any small town. Since such events don’t occur every year, we decided to walk at the same time each year, and, in keeping with our “dig” walk theme begun the year before, dig and plant a tulip garden at the culmination of the walk. Tulips are the symbol for Parkinson’s Disease, both nationally and internationally, and our thinking is, since the flowers are perennials, we will move around the county each year doing the same thing…and, eventually, there will be tulip gardens blooming all over the county each spring.



Last October, our walk was held at Buckeye Career Center, where I work. The students in the Landscaping Department there designed and dug the tulip garden; our walkers just had to insert bulbs and cover them.

Right now, those tulips have begun to bloom. Here are a couple shots, taken by the school PR person, showing the planting…which consisted of a “swoosh” of about 200 bulbs on each side of the Buckeye Career Center sign in front of the building. Pretty cool. Enjoy!

Thanks Meredith!

The spouse of a person doing a triathlon has to be the most thankless job. They stand around (this weekend in the rain!) and wait for the short bursts of slight interest when your loved one is actually coming to the transition area (or hopefully the finish line).

My sister-in-law Meredith did a great job of filling this role! She even was nice enough to take some pictures of me in the process!

Here is a shot of me coming in from the bike...



And then taking off on the run...



And then the moment of truth when Chris and I were both finished!



The best part was that she emailed these pictures to me with the subject line, "Men In Spandex." Way to get into the spirit! Thanks again Meredith!

Great Nomination

I am really honored to announce that Hasseman Marketing & Communications was nominated for the Coshocton County Small Business of the Year. What an honor!

There are several other great businesses that are nominated as well including Triplett's Pharmacy and Serenity Tea House. It's a really nice recognition...so thanks to whoever nominated us!

We appreciate it!

And now for the Race Results

First and foremost let me thank my brother-in-law and sister-in-law Chris and Meredith! They were my unbelievably gracious hosts this weekend...and they just couldn't have been kinder. So thanks so much!

Chris and I decided to do the Miami University Triathlon this weekend. Chris was a "bit" apprehensive because this was his first triathlon. But I, the grisled veteran, encouraged him ("Suck it up!").

We found out Friday that there were well over 600 entrants, so the race would actually begin 15 minutes earlier than planned. The race (swim, bike, then run) would begin with a "serpentine" swim in a pool. This means we start in lane 1, then came back lane 2, etc. for 8 lanes. As you can imagine, we can't all 650 racers get in the pool at the same time. So they started in order of registration (I was 493 and Chris was 561). We had time to wait!

Long story short we both did well. I was really proud of Chris. He was in his first race on a borrowed bike...and he did great!

I felt like I did well too. The swim is usually my weakest part...but I got through that pretty well. At the end of the day I finished 217 out of 600 and some finishers. I did the race in 1 hour and 26 minutes. I can live with that.

At the end of a race you can always think back on the things that you could have done better...and I do. But I can't thank Chris and Meredith enough for making this so pleasant!

Hey Chris...there's another race in two weeks at Ohio State...you in?

Dance Update From This Weekend

So it seems it was a successful weekend for the girls too! As you may recall, they went to a competition in Warren, Ohio without Amy or I.

Amy helped to orchestrate Clean Up Day (see below), so some great friends took the girls and got them ready. This is not an easy task, so I can't thank Valerie Miller and Ardie Varian enough. We truly appreciate it!

Jade's numbers (Candy Kids and Wizard) did very well. Candy Kids got a 1st Place Gold and Wizard got a 2nd place Gold. Candy Kids also got 5th place overall Petite Group and Wizard got 2nd place overall Super Group.

Skylar (who is also in Wizard) did awesome too! Express Yourself (her duet with Casey) got a 2nd place Platinum. Angels and No Parking recieved 1st Place Gold. Express Yourself got 4th place overall duet. Angels got 3rd place overall Junior Line.

So great job to my girls! And thanks again to those who helped make it happen!

Clean Up Coshocton Day

Let's start with Amy's event as we discuss the "results" of the Hasseman's Big Weekend. Clean Up Coshocton day can be deemed nothing other than a HUGE success!



There were an estimated 140 volunteers show up to help by pitching in to clean up areas of Coshocton. There were large groups from The Girl Scouts, Key Club, Kiwanis, Rotary, The City of Coshocton, Hopewell, The Opportunity School, and honestly many more that I can't remember.





Amy had mapped our areas of the city where the groups were sent, and the combined power of many made a big difference in the entrances and public areas to our town. As one person told me, "On every street you turned you saw groups with Orange T-shirts and Orange Trash Bags!"





In addition to the great impact they made to the appearance in town, this event is a fantastic example of how each of us can make a difference in our community. As a citizen of Coshocton County who could not make it to this event, I want to say THANK YOU! to each of the folks who helped.



And of course I want to say how proud I am of Amy for helping to orchestrate this. She is a true dynamo!



Oh...and if you want to see more about this event (with more photos) check out the Tribune's website!

What A Weekend Coming Up!

So today begins a journey into a crazy (but exciting) weekend for the Hasseman Family! All of us are heading different directions...in different parts of the state!

Amy
First, Amy will be helping to head up Clean Up Coshocton Day. I am really proud of the job she has done promoting and organizing this event. It is a great way for people to make a difference in the community...and it doesn't take money! Just roll up your sleeves and jump in! If you want to help, head to the Courtsquare at 8am on Saturday morning for refreshments and instructions! If you are in town, please come and help!

The Girls
The girls were going to be helping with this event, but instead they will be going to Warren Ohio to compete in a dance competition. Thanks to the families that will be taking them and getting them ready! Valerie Miller and Ardie Varian are taking the girls and we really appreciate it. Hopefully they will be on their best behavior! They have been threatened!

Kirby
And then yours truly will be doing my first triathlon of the year in Oxford, Ohio. It is a short sprint and hopefully will be a good way to start off the season! Wish me luck! I should add here that I will be doing this race with my brother-in-law Chris. He and his wife Meredith have been nice enough to put me up in their house tonight...so I really appreciate that!

I will post later with the results of all of these!

Coshocton on Showtime!

Just got back to the office and got this email from a college friend, Chris Alexy! Check it out!

In case you haven’t heard in the past 24 hours. Tracey Ullman has a new show on Shotime that she depicts a day in America playing different Americans across the country. On last night’s show, she has a new character from Coshocton.

The character has a yoga class on Coshocton’s access channel. I figured that you were Coshocton’s real TV personality, so in essence, the character is you, but female and does yoga with a different name.

As a sidenote, I am not saying I am Coshocton't real TV personality...and I am not sure what Yoga is. Is it sort of like handball?

Dave Barry Is Funny!

Some of you might already know that Dave Barry is one of my very favorite authors. He is a humor columnist for the Miami Herald and is syndicated all over. He has written quite a few books (many of them I own) and was named by the New York Times as the funniest man in America.

So here is an email that my dad sent to me. It is a column from Dave Barry that I will share. Thanks Dad...and good luck with your exam!

OK. You turned 50. You know you're supposed to get a colonoscopy. But you haven't. Here are your reasons:
1. You've been busy.
2. You don't have a history of cancer in your family.
3. You haven't noticed any problems.
4. You don't want a doctor to stick a tube 17,000 feet up your butt.

Let's examine these reasons one at a time. No, wait, let's not. Because you and I both know that the only real reason is No. 4. This is natural. The idea of having another human, even a medical human, becoming deeply involved in what is technically known as your ''behindular zone'' gives you the creeping willies.
I know this because I am like you, except worse. I yield to nobody in the field of being a pathetic weenie medical coward. I become faint and nauseous during even very minor medical procedures, such as making an appointment by phone. It's much worse when I come into physical contact with the medical profession. More than one doctor's office has a dent in the floor caused by my forehead striking it seconds after I got a shot.

In 1997, when I turned 50, everybody told me I should get a colonoscopy. I agreed that I definitely should, but not right away. By following this policy, I reached age 55 without having had a colonoscopy. Then I did something so pathetic and embarrassing that I am frankly ashamed to tell you about it. What happened was, a giant 40-foot replica of a human colon came to Miami Beach . Really. It's an educational exhibit called the Colossal Colon, and it was on a nationwide tour to promote awareness of colo-rectal cancer. The idea is, you crawl through the Colossal Colon, and you encounter various educational items in there, such as polyps, cancer and hemorrhoids the size of regulation volleyballs, and you go, ''Whoa, I better find out if I contain any of these things,'' and you get a colonoscopy.

If you are as a professional humor writer, and there is a giant colon within a 200-mile radius, you are legally obligated to go see it. So I went to Miami Beach and crawled through the Colossal Colon. I wrote a column about it, making tasteless colon jokes. But I also urged everyone to get a colonoscopy. I even, when I emerged from the Colossal Colon, signed a pledge stating that I would get one. But I didn't get one. I was a fraud, a hypocrite, a liar . I was practically a member of Congress.

Five more years passed. I turned 60, and I still hadn't gotten a colonoscopy. Then, a couple of weeks ago, I got an e-mail from my brother Sam, who is 10 years younger than I am, but more mature. The email was addressed to me and my middle brother, Phil. It said: ``Dear Brothers, I went in for a routine colonoscopy and got the dreaded diagnosis: cancer. We're told it's early and that there is a good prognosis that they can get it all out, so, fingers crossed, knock on wood, and all that. And of course they told me to tell my siblings to get screened. I imagine you both have.''

Um. Well.

First I called Sam. He was hopeful, but scared. We talked for a while, and when we hung up, I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to make an appointment for a colonoscopy. A few days later, in his office, Andy showed me a color diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go all over the place, at one point passing briefly through Minneapolis . Then Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough, reassuring and patient manner. I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn't really hear anything he said, because my brain was s hrieking, quote, ``HE'S GOING TO STICK A TUBE 17,000 FEET UP YOUR BUTT!''

I left Andy's office with some written instructions, and a prescription for a product called ''MoviPrep,'' which comes in a box large enough to hold a microwave oven. I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later; for now suffice it to say that we must never allow it to fall into the hands of America 's enemies. I spent the next several days productively sitting around being nervous. Then, on the day before my colonoscopy, I began my preparation. In accordance with my instructions, I didn't eat any solid food that day; all I had was chicken broth, which is basically water, only with less flavor. Then, in the evening, I took the MoviPrep. You mix two packets of powder together in a one-liter plastic jug, then you fill it with lukewarm water. (For those unfamiliar with the metric system, a liter is about 32 gallons.) Then you have to drink the whole jug. This takes about an hour, because MoviPrep tastes -- and here I am being kind -- like a mixture of goat spit and urinal cleanser, with just a hint of lemon.

The instructions for MoviPrep, clearly written by somebody with a great sense of humor, state that after you drink it, ''a loose watery bowel movement may result.'' This is kind of like saying that after you jump off your roof, you may experience contact with the ground. MoviPrep is a nuclear laxative. I don't want to be too graphic, here, but: Have you ever seen a space shuttle launch? This is pretty much the MoviPrep experience, with you as the shuttle. There are times when you wish the commode had a seat belt. You spend several hours pretty much confined to the bathroom, spurting violently. You eliminate everything. And then, when you figure you mus t be totally empty, you have to drink another liter of MoviPrep, at which point, as far as I can tell, your bowels travel into the future and start eliminating food that you have not even eaten yet.

After an action-packed evening, I finally got to sleep. The next morning my wife drove me to the clinic. I was very nervous. Not only was I worried about the procedure, but I had been experiencing occasional return bouts of MoviPrep spurtage. I was thinking, ''What if I spurt on Andy?'' How do you apologize to a friend for something like that? Flowers would not be enough.

At the clinic I had to sign many forms acknowledging that I understood and totally agreed with whatever the hell the forms said. Then they led me to a room full of other colonoscopy people, where I went inside a little curtained space and took off my clothes and put on one of those hospital garments designed by sadist perverts, the kind that, when you put it on, makes you feel even more naked than when you are actually naked.

Then a nurse named Eddie put a little needle in a vein in my left hand. Ordinarily I would have fainted, but Eddie was very good, and I was already lying down. Eddie also told me that some people put vodka in their MoviPrep. At first I was ticked off that I hadn't thought of this, but then I pondered what would happen if you got yourself too tipsy to make it to the bathroom, so you were staggering around in full Fire Hose Mode. You would have no choice but to burn your house.

When everything was ready, Eddie wheeled me into the procedure room, where Andy was waiting with a nurse and an anesthesiologist. I did not see the 17,000-foot tube, but I knew Andy had it hidden around there somewhere. I was seriously nervous at this point. Andy had me roll over on my left side, and the anesthesiologist began hooking something up to the needle in my hand. There was music playing in the room, and I realized that the song was Dancing Queen by Abba. I remarked to Andy that, of all the songs that could be playing during this particular procedure, Dancing Queen has to be the least appropriate.

''You want me to turn it up?'' said Andy, from somewhere behind me.

''Ha ha,'' I said.

And then it was time, the moment I had been dreading for more than a decade. If you are squeamish, prepare yourself, because I am going to tell you, in explicit detail, exactly what it was like. I have no idea. Really. I slept through it. One moment, Abba was shrieking ``Dancing Queen! Feel the beat from the tambourine . . .''
. . . and the next moment, I was back in the other room, waking up in a very mellow mood. Andy was looking down at me and asking me how I felt. I felt excellent. I felt even more excellent when Andy told me that it was all over, and that my colon had passed with flying colors. I have never been prouder of an internal organ.
But my point is this: In addition to being a pathetic medical weenie, I was a complete moron. For more than a decade I avoided getting a procedure that was, essentially, nothing. There was no pain and, except for the MoviPrep, no discomfort. I was risking my life for nothing.


(c) 2008 Dave Barry

Another Quick Dance Update

I know it seems like the girls Dance is all I have posted about lately, but please indulge me this update...I am a proud papa.

I was not at the competition in Bexley yesterday but it sounds like the Elite Dance Force did really well. I believe all of the routines got some sort of recognition...and some did really well.

Jade, as you have read here before, is in Candy Kids and Wizard. Candy Kids won a best overall award for their age group and Wizard won a judges award as well.

Skylar is in Wizard, Angels, and No Parking. All of these numbers recieved recognition. In addition, her duet with Casey Varian (which you can watch below!) received Sophisticated Gold, a judges award, and best duo/trio in her age group.

Good stuff!

Coshocton...Going to the Dogs!

And that's a good thing! Yesterday and today Coshocton County is playing host to the UKC Beagle Trials. This great event brings about 400 registered dogs to Coshocton...and lots of owners.



The dogs compete for several hours at a time by chasing rabbits and having an opportunity for the dogs to show as well. Here is a shot of the McVays with their champion dog. The McVays were instrumental in bringing the show to Coshocton.



In addition, yesterday was the Coshocton County Sportsman show. With hunting being such an enormous part of our culture, this show highlihts vendors of interest with hunters. Belinda Williamson, director of the Convenntion and Visitors bureau does an outstanding job of coordinating this event. Belinda and I even got a chance to shoot at a target with bow and arrow. Fun stuff!



And having it in coordination with the Beagle show is great too. Nice job Belinda!

Express Yourself

As I have mentioned on here, my oldest Skylar has a duet in the Elite Dance Force. Here is her routine with her friend Casey from the Elite Spectacular. You will see why I am pretty proud! By the way...for those who don't know...Skylar is in the yellow.

Elite Spectacular

And Friday night was the Big Night for the Elite Spectacular. The purpose of the night is to have a fundraiser for the girls on the Elite Dance Team. They have lots of competition costs, costumes, etc. so it's great to have that opportunity.



But I must say it's really a great entertaining night out too. They really do work hard and it shows. And here's a shot with Jade in it from the Coshocton Tribune!



Not bad for a Friday night in Coshocton County. I will post a video here later from it!

Glorious Spring Day

Wow! Yesterday was just a fantastic day. It feels like we have been waiting for that day for about 6 months.

Amy and I snuck out to play a few holes of golf before the big game at Kids America. And before we headed out the door I took a moment to capture a bit of beauty in the front yard.



Then we headed to Kids America for the Hopewell Indians versus Local Celebrities basketball game. It's a sad state of affairs when I am a local celebrity...but it was a fun time.

We even had our own cheerleaders as our daughters fit the bill!



Fun stuff! And even though I don't have a bunch of pictures, maybe I will get some from others who were there!

A Beautiful Day For Catch!

Amy and the girls went outside to enjoy the springtime air today. They got out the gloves they got for Christmas and decided to practice a bit for the upcoming softball season.


We were a bit rusty...but they did pretty well. By the end we had a few other gals involved and we were having batting practice at the end of the street. Fun day to be outside!

Clean Up Coshocton Day!

Amy is at it again! She (as United Way Director) is teaming up with the City of Coshocton to help organize "Clean Up Coshocton" Day. This event has been going on for the last two years, but had lost a bit of steam. Amy is joining this fight with the idea that it does not take a lot of money to make a difference in the community!

So April 19th make sure to come to the Courtsquare in Coshocton to join the fun. (That's right Fun!). There will be t-shirts for the first 100 people...and even refreshments!



So do your part to help make Coshocton County a better place!

Another interesting post

I got this yesterday too. I know you usually want witty comments and stories from me (like I could EVER be witty!) but I thought this was interesting too. This asks the question "What is a billion?" And it certainly puts some numbers in perspective. I have not done the math to check this all out...so if any of it is inaccurate, my apologies!

The next time you hear a politician use the
word 'billion' in a casual manner, think about
whether you want the 'politicians' spending
YOUR tax money.

A billion is a difficult number to comprehend,
but one advertising agency did a good job of
putting that figure into some perspective in
one of its releases.

A. A billion seconds ago it was 1959.

B. A billion minutes ago Jesus was alive.

C. A billion hours ago our ancestors were
Living in the Stone Age.

D. A billion days ago no-one walked on the earth on two feet.

E. A billion dollars ago was only 8 hours and
20 minutes, at the rate our government is spending it.

While this thought is still fresh in our brain, let's take a look at New Orleans. It's amazing what you can learn with some simple division.

Louisiana Senator, Mary Landrieu , is presently asking the Congress for $250 BILLION to rebuild New Orle ans . Interesting number, what does it mean?

A. Well, if you are one of 484,674 residents of New Orleans (every man, woman, child), you each get $516,528.

B. Or, if you have one of the 188,251 homes in New Orlean s , your home gets $1,329,787.

C. Or, if you are a family of four, your family gets $2,066,012.

Washington , D.C ., Ottawa, Canada.... HELLO!!! ... Are all your calculators broken??

NOW THAT IS AN ECONOMIC STIMULUS PLAN!

Great Quotes

This one goes as a Thanks to Heather Kendall who sent me this little clip. If you have a little time to kill (and if you are here, you certainly do!) check this out!

http://www.greatquotesmovie.com/